By Thomas Davis, DNAP, MAE, CRNA
Trust is a glue that holds relationships together whether they be family, social, or work related.
Brittany has been a chief CRNA for almost a year and is struggling in the position. As a colleague, she was a rising star on the team and when the Chief CRNA retired, she was quickly moved into the position. Brittany is a person who likes to be liked and needs to be needed, therefore she avoids conflict by saying yes to every request that is made. Unfortunately, “yes” often turned out to be a “false yes” leaving Brittany not trusted to follow through on her word.
Like Brittany, Jason is struggling as a Chief CRNA. He is active in the clinical area and has frequent meetings with his team to assure them that he has their back and that he will not allow them to be abused. However, when a surgeon, makes a request, Jason quickly bends policies to accommodate, and in the process, throws a team member under the bus. Simply put, frontline workers cannot trust Jason to support them when disagreements arises.
Brittany and Jason are both in leadership positions and both have eroded the trust of the team. When this happens, morale is poor and team members give up and move on.
Leadership matters and trust is the foundation that must be created before a preferred workplace can be built.
What about you…are you a trustworthy person? Whether you are in a designated leadership position, building relationships with colleagues, or interacting with others in your personal life, trust must be present before you can be fully successful. On an intellectual level, we know the value of trust, but life happens and along the way we are vulnerable to losing the trust of others. Increasing your awareness of the importance of trust and becoming sensitive to behavior that will either enhance or destroy it is the first step toward establishing yourself as a trustworthy person.
The Mindtools content team describes trust as “reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something.” They note that trust is enhanced when the person leads by example, communicates openly and transparently, follows through on commitments, and doesn’t blame others.
“To earn trust, money and power aren’t enough; you have to show some concern for others. You can’t buy trust in the supermarket.” ~His Holiness the Dalai Lama
Writing in the business blog, Jostle, author Fae Wai notes that trusting relationships are developed on two levels; practical and emotional. Practical trust is developed by consistently showing up on time, doing what you say you are going to do, and working with others to get the job done. Over time, people learn that they can count on you. Emotional trust is equally important, takes time to develop, and is present when others know that you are on their side. It grows from treating others kindly, respectfully, and in a non-judgmental manner. Emotional trust can be sacrificed in an instant with an unkind word or false accusation.
8 Tips for building a trusting relationship.
- Tell the truth. Veracity gives others a reason to believe that what you say is, in fact, correct. Untruth and half-truth are always revealed and once exposed, it is difficult to believe anything the person tells you. Trust is gone when you walk away from a conversation thinking, “I’ll take that with a grain of salt.” A person who is not believable is not trustworthy.
- An honest NO is better than a false YES. People want to be liked and accepted by others and therefore are susceptible to saying yes to gain the favor of the other person. The problem is that once you say yes, the other person expects your action to make it happen. Through strength of character and knowing your limitations, it is much better to give an honest NO rather than creating expectations that will not materialize. When you say no, the other person may not be happy, but they walk away trusting that when you do say yes, you will mean it.
- Follow through. This is living proof that you did not give a false YES when a request was made. To create the practical trust, show up with a commitment to achieve a goal or keep a promise and you will be on solid ground.
- Set the standard. Honesty, transparency, follow-through, and all the things that enable us to trust another person must set the standard for how we make decisions and interact with others. If a colleague were asked to describe you, what would they say? When you set a high standard for yourself, the other person will likely begin by describing you as a person who can be trusted.
- Be vulnerable and admit mistakes. Despite our best intentions, we all make mistakes, however, our foibles do not necessarily kill a trusting relationship. Quickly seek out the other person, admit your mistake, and do what is possible to correct the error. Hiding a mistake shrouds the truth and creates a barrier to trust.
- Never blame or accuse. A common behavior in a toxic workplace is the blame game. In a trusting relationship it’s not about who did something wrong but rather, what happened and how do we fix it? When you move beyond blaming, an error becomes fertile ground for creating trust by supporting the other person, correcting the problem, and ensuring that it is not repeated.
- Listen to understand. People trust you when they sense that you understand them and are truly interested in them as individuals. All too often we listen to the gist of what is being said so that we can formulate a rebuttal. Move beyond superficial listening and listen with intent to learn how the other person feels and what motivates them in life.
- Be aware of how your words and actions affect others. The words that we choose and the tone in which they are delivered determine whether the other person walks away feeling affirmed or chastised. Interacting with emotional intelligence opens the door to a trusting relationship.
Some who are reading this article are starting at ground zero with a new group and don’t have to worry about prior mistakes. Others have made mistakes and want to rebuild trust in a stressed relationship with colleagues. In either scenario, making a commitment earn trust and using the tips in this article to guide your interaction will create the reputation that you desire. Soon when others are asked to describe you, they will begin by saying that above all else, you can be trusted.
Tom is an experienced leader, educator, author, and requested speaker. Click here for a video introduction to Tom’s talk topics.