Ear of Empathy

By Thomas Davis, CRNA, MAE, Lt. Col (ret)

Follow @procrnatom on Twitter

Empathy depends not only on one’s ability to identify someone else’s emotions but also on one’s capacity to put oneself in the other person’s place and to experience an appropriate emotional response.

~Charles G. Morris

From day one, Nursing School students are taught the importance of empathy when helping patients and their families through stressful, and sometimes life ending, events. There are countless stories describing the dedicated work of Florence Nightingale and Mother Teresa who alleviated so much suffering for those in need. Neophyte nurses are encouraged to connect with, understand and share the emotional experiences of their patients in order to foster a sense of trust. Full of good intentions and a sincere desire to become pillars of support, new students are thrown into the hectic and demanding world of patient care where completing a task is frequently more important than providing emotional support, thus losing an opportunity for empathy. Lost opportunities for empathy due to the high demands of healthcare and affects relationships in other areas of business and industry as well.

In the modern workplace, leaders with deep understanding are as important in developing effective teams as compassionate nurses are in supporting troubled patients. Writing in the DDIWorld blog, Author Stephanie Neal identifies empathy as a top 10 topic for effective leadership. A companion article states, “Overwhelmingly, empathy tops the list as the most crucial driver of overall performance.” Clearly, grassroots understanding is a valuable skill that is essential for high performing teams and deserves the attention of anyone committed to developing a team in which performance is high, and workers are valued.

What Empathy is

The Oxford Living Dictionary defines empathy as “The ability to understand and share the feelings of another.” This unique capacity to understand goes beyond listening and requires using your past experiences to comprehend what the other person is feeling and to respond in a manner that shows you care.

Whether you work in a busy healthcare setting or in some other business environment, every person you encounter brings a separate set of experiences, emotions and concerns to the workplace. You may not be able to solve another person’s problem, but when they perceive that you understand and care about their wellbeing, they are better able to relax, lower their defenses and have a more productive day.

What empathy is not

Empathy is not sympathy. When being sympathetic, one person shows pity or sorrow for the misfortune that another has experienced. The person offering sympathy may have a sincere desire to comfort the other person; however, with sympathy the focus is on the misfortune rather than sharing the emotion that your colleague or friend is feeling.

For example, several months ago while teaching leadership skills to a group of managers, I moderated a practice session in which one person was assigned to ‘listen empathetically’ to a person who described a problem that she was experiencing with her team. Person A described the problem and the negative effect it had on her team. Person B replied, “I know exactly how you feel, this is what happened to me,” and went on to tell of his woes. To which person A replied, “Yes, but you didn’t have … going on.” The discussion quickly digressed into a competition where each unknowingly sought to be the victim who had suffered more. Because Person B focused on his own external events while ignoring Person A’s internal needs, both people quickly became combative and alienated.

Connect using empathy

Powerful leaders recognize the negative effect of emotional baggage which burdens a worker and blocks his ability to function at the highest level. Connecting in an empathetic manner offloads some of the inner stress and lets the worker know that someone cares about their concerns. Here are some tips for using empathy to deal with a stressful situation. Each tip builds on the previous one and when applied consistently, will have lasting results.

Have a physical presence. Interacting with members of your team on a personal level requires that everybody knows you and that you know them. Policies, procedures and planning are all important; however, they are not an excuse to stay in your office. Having daily, friendly conversation with team members builds a foundation of trust that will serve as a platform for finding solutions to personal problems. Developing trust with the team member means they feel comfortable sharing with you, knowing you will listen, understand and maybe shore them up when needed. Plan several daily walk-arounds in your workplace to become acquainted with every person and remain connected to the team.
Recognize stress in others. Knowing each team member individually places you in a position to sense when something is wrong and that if you perceive a person doesn’t seem to be him/herself, you are probably right. A solid inter-connection tells you that an issue is hiding below the surface. Trust your senses and don’t ignore the change that you have detected.
Listen to understand. If you intuit a problem, find a private place and have a conversation that encourages the distressed person to talk about their problems/concerns. While listening to the words, try to expose the emotions that are driving the person’s concern. Between the lines you may hear them shouting, “I am afraid, I feel inadequate, I feel threatened, I feel invalidated,” or some others spoken response.
Label and name the emotion. Once you have listened to the details of the person’s concern and sensed the underlying emotion, put a name on it. Call it what it is, perhaps fear, insecurity, disrespect, frustration, anxiety, anger.
State the emotion. Stating the emotion that you detect sends the message that you understand what the other person feels. Re-state the basic details of what the person said and if your understanding of the problem is confirmed, continue by naming the underlying emotion that you observe. Here are some examples:
- “I sense that you do not feel respected.”
- “I sense that you feel alone on this project.”
- “I sense that you are concerned about your patient’s safety.”
- “I sense that you are fear harming your patient.”
- “I sense that setting boundaries makes you uncomfortable.”

Connect the dots

You have listened to gain depth of understanding and you have restated the issue and agreed on a label for the emotion that the individual is experiencing. Now you can thoughtfully suggest some solutions to ease the individual’s distress.

Responsiveness is a crucial leadership skill that improves employee engagement and productivity. You may be a natural or you may have to learn to be a truly concerned listener, one who understands emotions and cares about people on a personal level. As a leader you can engage with an empathetic ear to build relationships, improve morale and increase productivity – a triple win for you, your team and your organization.

When you show deep empathy toward others, their defensive energy goes down, and positive energy replaces it. That’s when you can get more creative in solving problems.

~Stephen Covey

Special thanks to my wife and editor, Liz Sanner Davis.

Thomas Davis is a noted leader, educator, speaker and clinical anesthetist.

Mark your calendar and Join Tom and a group of leaders for the next values-based leadership webinar in July 2018. Click here for information.