By Thomas Davis, DNAP, MAE, CRNA
We all know them and have worked with them at some point in our life…those who bring their dramatic personality to the workplace and spend the day dragging everyone else down.
Effective leaders knows the importance of creating a preferred environment that attracts a team of high achievers who are committed to the workgroup and the organization. People thrive and productivity soars in an environment where they feel valued, respected and where professional growth is encouraged. A preferred workplace has less to do with the location or the stature of the employer and more to do with the people who work there. Building the right team is essential and encouraging collaborative behavior among team members is foundational to success.
That said, despite the best efforts of the leader, harmful attitudes may exist among certain team members which, if left unchecked, can drag down the entire team. Whether you are the team leader or a co-worker of a person with a dramatic personality, recognizing the behavior, labeling it, and using the right approach to deal with it will help to prevent your workplace from becoming toxic. This article will offer insight into working with three difficult personality types; dramatics, blamers, and negative Nellies.
Dealing with dramatics
It is likely that we have all worked with people who bring dramatics into the workplace and divert the attention of others away from the actual work of the day. These people tend to have ego driven behavior as evidenced by power struggles, complaining, gossiping, and emotional outbursts. They always know how the place should be run and freely criticize the boss, the organization, and co-workers. Author Liane Davey identifies the thought process that goes on in the mind of a workplace dramatic to justify their behavior when interacting with others:
- My colleagues just don’t get it.
- I’m just telling it like it is…why can’t others see it too?
- I’m just playing devil’s advocate to find a better solution.
- I’m not saying anything because I don’t want to be disrespectful. (Withholding information)
- I’m protecting myself by not expressing my opinion.
As you can see, the dramatic employee is an expert at rationalizing their behavior, however, as a psychiatrist friend once told me, rationalizing only means that you are rational, it doesn’t mean that you are right. Being overly critical at one moment and then withholding information the next moment creates chaos and confusion in the workplace and must be addressed.
So, how do you work with an overly dramatic colleague? In his book, Managing narcissists, dramatics, blamers and more, Author Mark Murphy offers this insight for those working with a dramatic person in the workplace. He notes that workplace dramatics often believe that they “get it” and others can’t see the obvious. When exposed to the same information, the dramatic will process it in a way that triggers an emotional response and generates an outburst without thoughtful consideration of the entire issue. In essence, they are experiencing mini road-rage and hoping that you will pour kerosene on the fire. Rather than arguing with the person, it is your job to defuse the situation and bring your co-worker back to reality by shifting their thoughts from the emotional amygdala area of the brain back to the thinking and reasoning areas of the brain.
Managing a dramatic person starts with your own self-control as evidenced by keeping calm and avoiding an emotional response. When confronting a dramatic person, do not argue or justify, rather, in a calm voice re-direct them back to the facts of the issue at hand. Instead of telling the person that they are wrong, calmly ask them for evidence to support their concern. Use phrases such as:
- “I understand how you feel but I need the facts.”
- “I’m not sure that makes sense to me, can you clarify….?”
- “Have you talked to …(the person they are complaining about)..to make sure that you understand their position?”
- “What part of this could you take care of yourself and not involve others?”
- “What is your desired outcome and is that possible with the system/resources that are available?”
Two key components when managing a dramatic personality are to keep calm and to reinforce reality. If the person describes a desired outcome or makes a request that is not possible, simply and calmly ask, “how am I supposed to do that?”
Managing a person with a dramatic personality is not difficult but it does require insight and skill on your part. When you sense that a person is creating drama, step back, label the behavior as drama, and determine your approach. Commit to calmness, review the facts related to the issue, and challenge the person to help solve the problem. By discussing the issue based on “what is” rather than what someone imagines “could be” will restore reality, calm the emotional response, and engage the thinking brain.
Tom is an experienced leader, educator, author, and requested speaker. Click here for a video introduction to Tom’s talk topics.